Turtle speed

I have a quiet house, an almost empty house.  My little man is asleep in his crib, the rest of the family is over the river and through the woods to grandma's house.  I have finished my baking, my shopping and wrapping and almost all of my cleaning.  I am not sure how I pulled it all together and managed to have a quiet house and a clean house and a to do list all checked off but I am very content. 
We have had a stressful beginning of the week and the whole month has been one frustration or worry after another.  More than just holiday busyness and bills, it seems many things have come to wreak havoc on my peace and my joy.  I have to be honest and say I havent felt much peace or joy this holiday month, this my favorite time of year.  My heart has been anxious and heavy, my mind full of so many things and such a longing for respite, for peace, for a break in the thunder clouds that seem to be looming overhead, following my days. 

It is nice to sit quietly this eveing with a cup of tea and a freshly baked cookie.  I can shut out the quest for answers for a few days because the doctors are not even in their offices.  I can not worry about the van for a few days because the mechanic can't get to it until next week. 
I love that the last few years we have decided to spend Christmas at our home, we are not traveling on Christmas.  We can slow the pace down, if just for a few days.  I need turtle speed right now.  I need to just be with my kids, watch their excitement for Santa and for Jesus build and spill over on us.  I need to just watch my baby boy excitedly play with his sisters and crawl all over them.  How incredibly simple and beautiful it is to see them happy and playing together.  They have been bickering so much, so often and I am frustrated about it.  But add Caleb to the mix and the atmosphere is diffused.  You cant help but smile when he is smiling so happily. 

Such a hard year for us, again.  But we are at the end of the year and I am so thankful that we have made the pace deliberately slow.  I needed this refreshing.  I needed this time of staying in.  I needed this time to just be. 
Come Monday we will be back to therapies and returning doctors calls and fixing the van and running everywhere but this weekend is a reprieve.  Oh I still have concerns and frustrations.  My first thought when I awoke today was, Will the doctor have answers today?  The answer was no, nope, nada.  
I am looking forward to our Christmas eve service tomorrow, it is always beautiful and joyful for me and the kids.  I am looking forward to hearing Jason read the Christmas story to the kids tomorrow before bed, one of my favorite family traditions.  Jason always does so well with bedtime, so much more patient than me, and more of a storyteller.  The kids love his bedtimes and are always bummed out when he is out of town.  He started reading the nativity story to the kids when CC was just a baby, when it was just the three of us, now we have doubled our family size.  Pretty cool.  There is something beautiful about watching him read to our children about Jesus, about our Father, about God's plan and God's gift.  I am so happy that I finally feel some anticipation for Christmas, it was so hard this year to get in the mood.   I will gladly do Christmas this year at turtle speed and hope that the kids' delight and joy will rub off on to me. 
Merry Christmas!