Happy Birthday CC

My oldest baby turns 11 tomorrow and I can hardly believe it.  Sometimes it seems so long ago she was a little baby and other times it seems like it was just yesterday.  I drove up to Columbus today for appointments for her brother and on the way up I was thinking of CC, of her first years, of how time flies, of how life has changed so much from when I first became a mom. 

I remember so well the night I went into labor with her and her birth in the middle of the night.  Who knew how instantly my life would change for the better, how big my heart would grow, how infinately small I would feel when presented with the gift of fresh, new, sweet life.  Crave and I were newly married, I was barely 21, we lived in Columbus admist his old single college friends.  Did I mention single, yep, we were the lone married ones, and then we became parents.  Crave's friends were all starting their engineering careers, my friends were all still single and still in college.  And Crave and I welcomed a baby girl into our fun, busy city life.  I know when I first heard her cry,my world had just changed.  She reshaped my heart, she gave me a new pupose, a new focus.  This little tiny bald baby made me a mother, a mommy, a momma. 

My life is so different now, four kids, some knowledge of the different early stages, some foundation of parenting down, and a whole  group of fellow moms, moms in the trenches and my cheerleader or mentor moms, moms who have been where I am now and are encouraging me.  I didnt have that when I first became a mom.  I had the example and advice of my own mother but honestly I had not gained a full respect or appreciation for her as a mother yet.  I wanted to do things my own way and I had not yet come to fully recognize the beauty and treasure I was given in my own mother.  I look back at that young mom I was and I smile at what a beautiful gift I was given when I gave birth to CC.  In so many ways she made me and reshaped me. 

My baby is eleven.  My sweet curly redheaded little girl is now a young girl, almost a young woman.  She is such a treasure and such a light to me.  My sister and I call her our conscience sometimes.  CC is thoughtful and respectful, moral and modest, full of generosity and empathy.  She loves to make people feel good about themselves and she can be so silly.  I receive compliments on a continual basis about her from teachers and classmates' parents, friends and family and even complete strangers.  People who remark on her beauty or her manners or her giving spirit or kindness and service.  She has a true servant's heart and an openness for Jesus and the things of his spirit that  touches and encourages me. 

I have so many CC stories I could tell, stories that would make you roll on the floor laughing and stories that would make you cry sweet tears.  Stories that would challenge you to examine your own character and ask am I that mature or that generous?  Most of the stories I have written down to keep me going after my nest is empty.  But I also try to sometimes quiet myself and allow CC to speak for herself.  And believe me she could, the girl can talk to anyone, and often does.  I try very dilligently to allow CC to define and describe herself.  I do not want to put labels or defintions upon her.  I do not want soceity or her peers to put those labels on her either.  What I want is for her to examine and define her own self.  One of the most important characteristic I want each of my girls to have is confidence.  I value it and I strive for it for them.  I want CC to have confidence in who she is as a daughter and sister.  I want CC to have confidence in who she is as a person and friend.  And most importantly I want her to have confidence in who she is in the eyes of Christ and to have a perspective that knows she is loved and valued by God. 

CC is my first born, my beautiful girl who came and reshaped my world and my perspective and my heart.  She is a capable and giving child.  Her antics easily charm and disarm me.  Her eagerness to do good and be kind in extraordinary ways amaze and challenge me.  Her empathy and understanding for those less fortunate or hurting touch me and others deeply.  She has an incredible grasp on the depth of God's love and sacrifice for her and she willingly and knowningly shares this with others; her friends, family, strangers.  She has a desire to lead and organize and an uncanny abilty to make lists for everything.  (a trait from her father, no doubt) 

 I see her poised on the brink of teendom, but even more so on the brink of becoming a young woman.  It doesnt scare me because I see what a fine person she is becoming.  But it does make me reflect on those sweet baby and toddler moments, those moments with just her and Crave and I.  How quickly time came, how quickly time moved on.  I remember so sweetly holding her in my arms so long ago and now she is nearly as tall as me.  Our cuddling is definately different but still sweet.  Our talks are less and less negotioations and now more dynamic conversations.  I have watched her switch smoothly from only child to sibling.  Tonight, I watched her lovingly hold her baby brother and cuddle him and I had to catch my breath.  I remember snuggling her that way as a baby.  Gasp, time moves too quickly but yet at the correct speed.  I am thankful tonight for my beautiful oldest daugther and the change she brought to my life on a early Friday morning eleven years ago.  She made me "Momma" and how incredble is that! 

If you see her tomorrow or this weekend, wish her a happy birthday.  And let her know I didnt share any of her stories, not about oreos or pudding or penguins or removing casts or fish named Henry or sleeping beauty  or crushes.