2010

My New Year's goal was to blog more, to write more and not just venting and whining but writing and documenting and really diving in to my blog and begining to craft my writing better.  And do you know everytime I have started to blog this past week since I made my new year's goal a declartion, my keboard has acted up.  Everytime, midsentence, mid-paragraph, mid-thought, my keyboard has went on strike or acted out.  I find this hilarious, humourous, ironic.  And I say to my keyboard, "Bring it!" 
Now before you start to trouble yourself with my sanity, I will admit that yes I know the keyboard is an inanimate object and not a real tormentor or foe.  Nevertheless, I still say in all sincerity, "Bring it!"  I am prepared to follow through on my writing, on my venting, on my documenting, on my "web-logging" of events, emotions, challenges, and lessons of life.  So keyboard if you want to act up and short-circuit every time I have a moment or a grand idea or issue I need to type through, act up.  I will replace you quickly with a new, shiny, fancy wireless keyboard and in the meantime I will pull out your old-fashioned but still usable replacement, my good old, dear diary.  Some of you may know that I formerly documented life in this non-electronic diary until the day when my diary was taken captive and my words were held against me.  Shocking I know but it happened and not by a little brother.  My privacy was invaded and my trust was betrayed and for a while I did not write or I wrote and then destroyed.  So keyboards act up and people can open a diary and read words not meant for them, a lesson I have learned.  But I simply dont care.  This year, at this time in my life, I have finally decided I am going to write no matter what;  I have a voice, I have a life with details that need worked out, I have a story that can be shared, I have a faith that I will not walk out in quiet or in shame.  So pen and paper, new keyboard, or jaded, gunk filled nememsis keyboard now in my position,get ready because  life that is messy and hard and sometimes sad, sometimes funny, but always beautiful in it's realness, I will write.  
I have received lovely comments from friends, family and strangers on my blog postings.  I have received criticism and unwanted advice and even some interesting career encouragement and advice from others.  I am thankful for the chance to share my life and my musings about my life with others.  I am so thankful I can be real and be me and so 2010, I havent fully embraced you but I will document you.  In fact 2010 you fill me with fear for what you may bring medically and emotionally to my life.  You also make me realize the wall I have put up around my faith and my relationship with God.  I will deal with that wall this year.  I am not sure if I will scale it or demolish it,  or maybe I will remove it block by block.  I start 2010 with a keyboard that is jacked up, a van that needs expensive repairs, payment arrangements for medical bills, the need for a major surgery, and the waiting for test results for my sweet little boy.  I start 2010 with snowstorms and delays of school and therapy and new hard treatment options for Caleb.  Life feels like it is on hold but I was just reminded yesterday it doesnt stop for anyone.  Life goes on everyday and all around me and so ok I will face and document it.  I may be uneasy or nervous or grouchy but 2010, I am ready for you.  so bring it.